31.1.09

Handball 

Alprazolam overdoses sure ruin one's weekends...

And, considering the hate I usually have towards Croatian sport in general, I'm surprisingly not unhappy about the success of our handball team. Though that will certainly change when I learn how much has, and will, this entire spectacle cost the tax-payers...

28.1.09

1555 

Tomorrow is coming too soon. I'm not ready for it.

But will I ever be?

26.1.09

The Last 

Today, I drink the last of my Twinings Prince of Wales tea. A stupid decision to discontinue a product, that.

I see the future, and there's a blue plastic bag in it.

23.1.09

Vagaries of Freedom 

If I imagined into reality a door that opened into an empty space... No, not an empty space. A sky, with clouds, in daylight. A sky I could fall and fly through endlessly... If I could do that, would I step through?

To be alone with myself in what really is just one great empriness? A scary thought. Infinite freedom, and nothing to do with it.

I've always valued my freedom. And I've always resented it.

22.1.09

Flew through the Fair 

Yeah, it was a flying dream, though I didn't realise it at first.

It was some kind of a trade fair. Not sure what kind, the stalls I remember the most were with some kind of new-agey stuff... Maybe stuff like the things sold at gift shops. Colourful. There is no point in going into the details, they've faded, I have no idea what kind of a fair it was. But it was a fair, of that I'm certain.

There was one main pavillion. A big, round pavillion, with several spiraling levels and a large open space all the way to the top in the middle. It connected to a number of more traditional open pavillions of rectangular shape, which didn't seem to figure much in the dream. The other pavillions were full of exhibits and stalls, but they were always somewhere on the periphery of the happenings, as I seem to have spent most of the time in the main one, with its new-agey stuff.

I moved by flying. As I've said, I didn't realise it at first, but my movement was so effortless, gliding, and always somehow above the crowds (there were crowds, it was a fair, after all), that it couldn't have been anything else. And it became obvious in the end part of the dream.

The end part was the "action" part of it. We were leaving the fair. I say we, because in the course of the events, I became a part of a group. I have no idea why, or who those people were, or why they were at the fair (but I have no idea what I was doing there, either). In any case, we were leaving. We were supposed to catch a train to the Netherlands at the train station below the main pavillion. It was a large train station with many platforms you could somehow get to from each other directly, without using any passages above or below. This might seem strange, but since I could fly, and judging by the ease with which they kept pace, so could the other members of the group.

When we got to the platform where our train to the Netherlands was supposed to be waiting, a railway official told us that we were at the wrong platform, and that our train is leaving soon from another one, in the above-ground part of the station so far from where we were that it might've as well been at another station entirely. This caused considerable consternation, as it was very important that we catch that train. Why it was important, and why we were going to the Netherlands in the first place (and from where, exactly), I'll never know.

So we rushed towards the other side of the station, first through the part under the main fair pavillion, then through some incredibly industrial-looking scenery full of freight trains, finally reaching our destination, which looked very much like the part of the station we came from, only I couldn't be sure if it was above or below ground. I somehow reached our platform ahead of the others, just as our train was about to leave.

Here the dream forked in three simultaneous directions: first, I jump into the train myself, leaving the others behind; second, I try to stop the train so the others can catch up; third, we all miss the train. I suppose this was supposed to be about me trying to weigh my options and decide, but I'll never know what decision I made or if we caught that train or not, because this was where the dream ended.

(Extra credit: recognise the reference from the title.)

21.1.09

The Going 

Asleep or awake, there never seems to be enough time.

Time for what? I wonder as well.

20.1.09

Cross the White 

Let me help myself a little bit...

17.1.09

Wishes Three 

Suppose I found a genie, who was once a man and was, through a set of unfortunate circumstances, turned into a genie and made spend an eternity in a lamp or some such object, granting three wishes to the people who found him.

What would I do?

Some questions first. One, can I make my wishes in advance and have them granted in succession after I've made them all? Two, would he like to be free of his condition?

I'm going to assume the answers to both questions would be yes. No reason not to be for the first, and in the stories, genies are always sick of being genies. Onto the wishes...

The first wish. I would wish to be able to see, over the course of one weekend, the past as it would've been had I never existed, and my parents never conceived any other child at the time I was conceived, and also the future as it would be if I died today, with the ability to freely browse through the timeline.

The second and the third wish would be made first, and then carried out in succession.

The second wish would be, depending on what I would learn from the first, to either die right then and there, or to never exist at all. Probably the former.

The third wish would be to allow the genie to use his power three more times as he wished (the exception being altering anything he had done according to the wishes of others), for his own benefit, after which would he would be free of his condition and revert back to being human to live as such for the remainder of his natural human life.

It's fun being me, isn't it?

13.1.09

Misdirection 

Only, it adds an element of anticipation. Which may prove counterproductive.

12.1.09

Blessedly Short 

But I am so tired...

11.1.09

Writing by Hand 

I don't think anyone has, in its 25 and more years, called my handwriting beautiful. Legible was the best it got...

Until a few days ago.

Why can't the things I have matter?

10.1.09

Name the Song 

So far beyond they come, still burning with the fire inside,
Once alone again, silent stares for our last journey home.

9.1.09

Surreal 

Some things are just too strange to be believed. Some feelings, too. Can that stop them from being true?

8.1.09

Snow 

We won't need to wait till March to see some snow this winter... Although the ha'foot covering the ground right now isn't anything to write home about, it annoyed the hell out of me this morning. And it'll be staying for a bit, thanks to the low enough temperatures...

I should've gone shopping yesterday.

6.1.09

Colder 

I was wrong, I don't hate heat more than cold. I hate both equally.

4.1.09

Oooze... 

I'm still producing enough slime to make any slug green with envy...

2.1.09

Pencil 

Another year... Another month of writing the wrong one in my memos...

I have, however, realised I have a pencil.