30.7.05
Should I Stay or Should I Go
If I stay, I'll be sorry. If I go, I'll have shitty time, and be sorry. Either way, there'll be questions...
Maybe I should just sabotage my car.
Maybe I should just sabotage my car.
29.7.05
Reflections
Why do I court pain, when I know it doesn't bring wisdom?
27.7.05
Or...
Maybe I should start reading that book... But even that seems like a stupendous undertaking. Games, books... Mere getting out of bed seems to be next. The way I feel about sleeping, it's already started.
26.7.05
Going Back, Looking Forward
This time I cannot not think about it. This time, too much of my active participation is required. This time, I'm going to the place where I learned to hurt myself. I ran away from that place eight years ago... I can't believe it was that long.
I know I should think of this as a chance for healing. A chance to break the stigma and set things right. But I can't. I can't.
I am afraid of going back.
And to think I had such high hopes for this summer, this entire year... If one can even call my hopes high these days. Where did they go?
The wall has been on my mind ever since I truly saw it, for the first time, a couple of weeks ago. The wall, drastic enough, immediate enough. Low chances of failure. I can take or leave it if I please.
They say it can be cured in 80% of the cases. One only needs to ask for help. One only has to give it a chance.
I wonder what cutting one's own throat feels like... Probably painful.
I know I should think of this as a chance for healing. A chance to break the stigma and set things right. But I can't. I can't.
I am afraid of going back.
And to think I had such high hopes for this summer, this entire year... If one can even call my hopes high these days. Where did they go?
The wall has been on my mind ever since I truly saw it, for the first time, a couple of weeks ago. The wall, drastic enough, immediate enough. Low chances of failure. I can take or leave it if I please.
They say it can be cured in 80% of the cases. One only needs to ask for help. One only has to give it a chance.
I wonder what cutting one's own throat feels like... Probably painful.
25.7.05
Delay
A three-week one. Hmeh.
24.7.05
Stuck
I dare not ask questions because I'm afraid of the answers. And I need those answers...
23.7.05
...
What am I doing awake this early?
22.7.05
The Living Colour
Blonde again.
21.7.05
Playground!
And to think that swings used to be my favourites...
20.7.05
When You Think of It...
Small steps. One thing at the time. The big picture might just be a bit too big.
19.7.05
It's Full of Stars
It was so beautiful, it broke my heart. Such a waste.
18.7.05
Swahili
My name is Simba Jani. Or Simba Cha'Kijani, maybe, although this is somewhat more loosely translated... But I think it sounds cooler. More artsy.
(Reference...)
(Reference...)
17.7.05
Wheels and Wagons
I wish I could say I had an enjoyable weekend. I can't. I don't really know what to say about it...
15.7.05
Queasy
Now it's affecting the stomach. Again.
13.7.05
Sing in Silence
Where did all the good times go
And where are all the laughs...
Or perhaps...
Where is my mind...
There's more, of course, but let's leave it at this.
And where are all the laughs...
Or perhaps...
Where is my mind...
There's more, of course, but let's leave it at this.
12.7.05
De gustibus?
Although I always wanted to bite into a freshly extracted spleen...
De gustibus...
How can vampires stand the taste of blood?
11.7.05
BS
I think Battlestar Galactica is about to start coming out of my ears. And the show isn't even that good.
10.7.05
N*** F*** S***
A cable. It was a cable.
9.7.05
Unending....
And just as I thought I was done with the computer troubles... After putting a DVD burner and a new hard drive into the old box, it has stopped working. Hopefully (putting this between quotes would be very appropriate), it's the motherboard that's died, because if the old hard drive had been damaged... It's painful to even think about it.
8.7.05
Beers. More Beers.
I realised I haven't had a Croatian beer in, well, a time so long I can't even tell how long it was. Therefore, I'm renewing my liking of the Tomislav. Croatian royal beer, the slogan calls it, and I agree. Although it is quite interesting to note that the official site (quite a monstrosity in its own way) of the brewery that makes it doesn't mention it at all.
7.7.05
Reunited
Toy is back home. Healthy, but brain-washed. And I have to teach it all the tricks again...
6.7.05
Name the Song
Where the storms are on the ocean
And the heavens will cease to be
And this world will lose its motion
If you don't come back to me
And the heavens will cease to be
And this world will lose its motion
If you don't come back to me
5.7.05
Grey
Is this what passes for summers now?
4.7.05
One Man Sees...
A forking. A seemingly familiar place, deja vu...
Two paths ahead. One offering certainty. The other leading into hope, which might yet prove false. Strangely, both seem to go towards the same destination, and are equally shrouded in forbidding fog.
My choice, my way, but it must be soon, for there is no stopping, no returning, and no middle course. Not this time.
Two paths ahead. One offering certainty. The other leading into hope, which might yet prove false. Strangely, both seem to go towards the same destination, and are equally shrouded in forbidding fog.
My choice, my way, but it must be soon, for there is no stopping, no returning, and no middle course. Not this time.
3.7.05
Beers, the Conclusion
Right. To bring this to a closure properly, and without too much delay.
Thanks to the wonders of the modern transportation, I was able to bring a piece of beer-tasting back home with me. So the final count is 35. New beers, I didn't really count the pints... Not bad, eh?
And here's the full list, in no particular order. The three I liked the best are bolderised.
Robinson's Double Hop
Robinson's Hatters
Robinson's Unicorn
Robinson's Old Stockport
6X
Bombardier
Bodingtons
Worthington's
Ayingerbrau Lager
Ayingerbrau Pils
Samuel Smith's Bitter
Samuel Smith's Sovereign
Samuel Smith's Stout
Samuel Smith's XXXX Mild
Tetley's
Landlord
Joseph Holt Bitter
Joseph Holt Lightning Holt
Bass Premium
Moonraker
J W Lees Bitter
Wychwood Hobgoblin
Black Sheep
Golden Sheep
Waggle Dance
Young's Champion
Fursty Ferret
Adnam's Broadside
London ESB
Marston Pedigree
Firebrand British
Theakston Old Peculier
Badger Golden Glory
Wychwood Fiddler's Elbow
Newcastle Brown Ale
And that's it. A holiday concluded. [sigh...]
Thanks to the wonders of the modern transportation, I was able to bring a piece of beer-tasting back home with me. So the final count is 35. New beers, I didn't really count the pints... Not bad, eh?
And here's the full list, in no particular order. The three I liked the best are bolderised.
Robinson's Double Hop
Robinson's Hatters
Robinson's Unicorn
Robinson's Old Stockport
6X
Bombardier
Bodingtons
Worthington's
Ayingerbrau Lager
Ayingerbrau Pils
Samuel Smith's Bitter
Samuel Smith's Sovereign
Samuel Smith's Stout
Samuel Smith's XXXX Mild
Tetley's
Landlord
Joseph Holt Bitter
Joseph Holt Lightning Holt
Bass Premium
Moonraker
J W Lees Bitter
Wychwood Hobgoblin
Black Sheep
Golden Sheep
Waggle Dance
Young's Champion
Fursty Ferret
Adnam's Broadside
London ESB
Marston Pedigree
Firebrand British
Theakston Old Peculier
Badger Golden Glory
Wychwood Fiddler's Elbow
Newcastle Brown Ale
And that's it. A holiday concluded. [sigh...]
I Must Say...
...shit. It's Monday tomorrow. Back to work. A week of repairing the laptop, buying a desk (and maybe other pieces of assorted furniture), searching for a new car, and doing other types of chores is about to begin...
2.7.05
Easy?
1.7.05
Beers, Part Twelve
As the last hours of this holiday of mine trickle by, the counter has reached 32. Two new beers for every gross day spent in the UK. Quite a bit more than I expected, really.
But, it's not quite over yet...
But, it's not quite over yet...
