Going Back, Looking Forward 

This time I cannot not think about it. This time, too much of my active participation is required. This time, I'm going to the place where I learned to hurt myself. I ran away from that place eight years ago... I can't believe it was that long.

I know I should think of this as a chance for healing. A chance to break the stigma and set things right. But I can't. I can't.

I am afraid of going back.

And to think I had such high hopes for this summer, this entire year... If one can even call my hopes high these days. Where did they go?

The wall has been on my mind ever since I truly saw it, for the first time, a couple of weeks ago. The wall, drastic enough, immediate enough. Low chances of failure. I can take or leave it if I please.

They say it can be cured in 80% of the cases. One only needs to ask for help. One only has to give it a chance.

I wonder what cutting one's own throat feels like... Probably painful.