Multiple Servings, One Jack 

There's our species, spending all these thousands (millions, if you count our relevant immediate ancestors) of years evolving meat-eating patterns of eating. Then the Americans decide to abuse those patterns, and grow monstrously fat. And then nutritional advisors and other assorted wellness experts come to be.

So, I've got a question. How the fuck is a person supposed to eat 11 servings of something, plus a dozen or so servings of other things, during one day? Do these charlatans think humans should return to the ways of their fruit-picking ancestors, who spent their entire days searching for something fibrously sweet and then munching on it? I'd really like to see them existing in that sort of a world... I'd also like to see them taking their own advice and having all those numbers of all those servings of all those foods from all those food groups. I really would. They'd be so busy eating, they wouldn't have enough time to 'advise'.